The Return

What better time to write than at 2 am?  Another night of being awakened by yet another vision forever etched in the hidden corners of my subconscious. My body longs for sleep while my mind goes through every thought and memory trying to make sense of the madness.  The silence tonight is deafening. The loneliness, crippling. 

Is this life?  Is this living?  Is there more out there?  

Our lives become a blur.  Things going by us a million miles an hour as we miss out on the things that matter.  When was the last time you went outside and just looked up on a clear dark night?  Just took a deep breath in of the cool crisp air?  When was the last time you took note of the sun casting an array of orange and pink hues on the clouds as it is tucked in for the night. When was the last time you let yourself get lost in conversation?   
 
Visit those things that stir your affections to live again. Visit them often.  Daily.  Loose yourself in them.  Enjoy the beauty of life.  Look up at the stars, enjoy the cool breeze.  Talk about the things in life that should really matter.  

"Words are THE Voice of the Heart" Confucius

I was always told think before I spoke. Words I heard far too often but ignored most of the time. This is probably some of the most damaging advice we give. We are saying think about what you are going to say and if it is hateful or damaging, don't say it or lie! The problem isn't when the words exit our mouth but the condition of our hearts. The thinking before I spoke, those thoughts were the issue. Confucius said "Words are the voice of the heart"; how ugly is my heart?

Sure, I forgot to think and it slipped out is a great excuse to hurt someone. I just said what came to mind, I never really thought about it. What about the things that we don't say because we thought about it? What about the damage they do? THose thoughts rather ever made audible reflect the condition of our heart. What happens when they are verbalized? Can we ever really take them back? Maybe but have the thoughts gone? Or do the thoughts remain just being pushed further into our subconscious way of going about life?

Our words are a mere voice for our hearts. Our thoughts are nothing more than words waiting to be verbalized. Don't apologize for what you say but for the condition of our hearts.

3rd & Goal

Every time I turned on the TV this weekend it ended up on football. Saw bits and pieces of some really good games. Saw Boise State play on their famous blue turf, watched the Giants crumble under pressure, and my favorite watched Steve Spurrier get out coached. I don't have a team I follow regularly. I prefer just a good game. There are a few individuals I route for but that is more because of their off the field actions than on. I do enjoy coaching from the couch. It seems so easy as I sit there to call the right plays. Of course, I do not have the pressure, noise, or my job on the line. It is easy for me to say be aggressive or fake a kick when it is not my neck on the chopping block.

That is the way life is though. We have a coach who seems to be making the calls and a crowd of coaches sitting on the couch calling out plays from the safety of their seat. It is easy for them to call in a play where if it fails they have nothing to lose. It is easy to criticize when you have nothing at risk. If you fail from the couch you have nothing to lose, not even your seat. Maybe if you have the ultimate "play" you shouldn't be sitting on the couch. Strap on the gear and go make a call.

The coach has to take the responsibility of the outcome, win or lose. The coach can't pass the blame. A good team though helps shoulder the blame. A good team keeps the coach in check not allowing him to believe he earned that win single handed. Nor does the team let him believe he lost the game single handily. They shoulder the blame together. We win or lose as a team.

How many good pastors have been out coached from the sidelines? How many pastors didn't have a team to have their back? How many pastors never heard good play? How many pastors called the play as the church sat in the pews? How many pastors had no team?

Who Dat Nation!

Believe it or not this post has very little to do with the Saints that play football. Just happen to be watching the game and felt inspired. I normally don't take the time to watch many games but since i was able to hold a Super Bowl ring from last years game I thought I would watch for a few minutes. If I were to be totally transparent i started to watch the game tonight looking for a client I work for that is on the coaching staff of the Saints.

At the beginning of the game both teams came out in a sign of solidarity and showed they were unified for a cause. Two teams with a lot to prove tonight showed they were all going to work together as one to accomplish their goal. I do not agree with their goal and believe it shows the desperate lostness of America but I do admire their unity.

What if the "church" could be equally united for the kingdom? What would this look like? If a lost world sees the need for unity why do we continue to be at odds? Yes we say we all want to see kingdom growth but do our actions show it? Both teams walked out on the field and all held up a single finger saying we are one, we are unified. The 2011 season will come and if there is not an agreement they will, as one, go on strike. They move forward together-this is not because they all agree on every issue but because they (in their opinion) want whats best for the group. Some will have to bite their tongues, some may sacrifice time and money but the goal is to do what is best for the entire unified body.

I don't know what this would look like in a church but I am positive it would not look like a local church body with ministries competing for recognition. It would not have members of the church body trying to place their personal needs in front of another's needs. It would not consist of us spending our time trying to destroy someone to make ourselves more popular. Instead of attacking each other we would murder the sin that we so easily are tangled in. My God why are we so shallow and selfish?

I have heard it said that the greatest obstacle for kingdom growth isn't atheism, Islam, Buddhist but Christians themselves. The world sees how they treat each other and want no part of it.

Next time before we compete, gossip, back stab, slander, cheat, lie picture ourselves between the cross and a lost brother walking toward the cross. Can you handle him looking at you and walking away? It is the Jesus he sees in you that he is rejecting, not the cross.

Follow the Leader.

I remember as a kid playing follow the leader and really enjoying the game. It was fun because the leader always made you do stupid stuff as you marched around the playground. I used to love to try to become the leader. I wanted my turn to make everyone jump when I jumped, make everyone run when I ran, crawl when I crawled. We never really stop playing the game though. In High School we follow the leader, rather it is the star athlete or the musician playing to sold out arenas we chase the leader. As adults we look for the "successful" business person or the best dressed soccer mom to lead us. We even tend to do this in "church-life". We look to the mega church and try to follow their lead. We tend to find a model we like and copy it expecting the same results as the leader was getting. Why do we play these games as children? We look back on them and realize just how ridiculous they are. I remember one time in particular playing follow the leader and being the leader with about 15 people and getting quite and unexpected result. I remember walking through the parking and balancing on the curb. I had reached the end and took two long jumps on the flat ground. The entire line jumped as I jumped. I was able to do this with ease since i was on flat ground. Problem was they weren't. There were bodies everywhere. People fell to the right, left and everywhere. The drama queen of the group just knew she broke her ankle and was going to be paralyzed. Thankfully there were no permanent injuries, in fact no injuries that persuaded us from playing the same game the next day.

Those jocks we looked up to in High School now play armchair quarterback, the musicians that played to sold out arena's are now playing Bar Mitzvah's and karaoke bars. The "successful" business man no longer is "successful" and the soccer mom is still wearing the same sweats that are no longer in style. The mega church has changed their model 3 times and we are still on the original. They are on the flat ground and we are still trying to balance and walk on the curb as the jump off. We jump anyways. The result is the same as it was back when we played in school. Some come away unharmed but we leave a trail of injured, bleeding, scared people trying to figure out how they lost the game.

When we played follow the leader we were unaware of the world around us focusing on the individual rather than the the inventor of the game. God started this game and has played the game throughout history. Moses followed the cloud of fire, Jacob across the dessert, Abraham, to name a few.. Jesus assumed the responsibility when He told the disciples "follow me". First we need to be looking to Jesus to fill the spot of line leader. Not some plan, some person, some model, the American Dream, or even our comfort. Sometimes following the Line Leader is hard but when we follow, He wins.

Super Villain

Darth Vader, Sabretooth, The Joker, Magneto, Skeletor, Green Goblin, Lex Luthor, all guys we love to hate. On that list for many church goers is one more name. Judas Iscariot. The man who betrayed Jesus with a simple kiss. We seem as the Super Villain of scripture. There is no one else throughout the Bible who committed a more heinous crime. We put him in a class with Hitler, Stalin, and Hussein. Surely not one of us could be so selfish that we would betray Jesus with a kiss. Would we?

Of course not...We fill our sanctuaries every Sunday, we sing our songs to Him, we even give when the offering plates are passed. We are doing our religious duty. We even bring a friend to church for the Christmas message and will bring a can of food or two for the pantry when needed. We read our Bibles, we even offer up our prayers when we remember. We worship the resurrected Savior every Sunday!

Judas walked with the living Savior for three years. He attended the miracles. He probably handed out some of the bread and fish at the feeding of the five thousand. He attended religious feast with Jesus. He would have seen the people being healed.

The book of James encourages us to not only listen to the teachings of Jesus and scripture but to also let them become an outpouring in our lives. James does not tell us to hide behind some corporate banner as a way of following Jesus but to personally take an active role in living out the teachings of Jesus. James even goes as far as to say that "Faith without works is dead." (James 2:20). If we are going to call ourselves Christ followers how closely are we following? Are we following at a safe distance in order to make ourselves feel clean but yet still keeping Him in sight. Lord allow me to follow so closely that I get the dust your feet kick up all over my face.

Maybe we won't betray Jesus with a kiss but are we not betraying Him with our hollow worship. Are we betraying Him as we chase after the American dream while children in our own cities sleep in alley ways and cars? I wonder how it feels when we walk by the man laying in the street? I wonder how it feels as we scrape the excess off our plates and a child dies of malnutrition? Must feel just like Judas kiss!

Super Massive Black Hole

I never realized how much I need people in my life. I enjoy being by myself sometimes. Always have had great people in and out of my life but never realized how valuable they are.

Can't believe it's been thirteen years. Thirteen years ago a Super Massive Black Hole was opened. Never realized the influence people have on you until you want to share dreams with them and you can't. I love dreaming. I don't really think they are dreams though. More like visions of what the future should be. Some of them scare me. Some of them excite me. None of them ever leave me. I miss the days of sharing them. I get to share them with my wife. She dreams with me but I miss sharing them with two people. I want to bring others along. They were suppose to be making these dreams a reality with me. Now I can't even talk to them. I know they are in a better place but that doesn't close the hole left behind. I'm not angry, just lonely. Not hurt, just jealous.

She will never hear me teach. She won't see me coach. She won't see my son shoot a three or block a shot. She won't see him change the world. She won't see Peyton dance. She will never hear her sing.

He was going into ministry with me. We were going to change the world. He could have coached my son. We would have started a church.

Now there is a hole where they were. Sometimes the dreams bring back memories. Sometimes they bring pain. Other times dissapointment. Wonder what it would have been like.

Tears of pain and joy cloud my vision but it's the brokeness that distracts from the dreams.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone