I got horrible news this past Saturday that one of the most special people in my life was on his way to his parents hospital rooms due to an accident. My heart broke for him. In the short amount of time I have known him, he has challenged and pushed me to be a better person. He has showed my family tremendous amounts of love and influenced my son more than he will ever know. As he sits miles away from his wife and kids, praying for his parents care, I am left here feeling inadequate wishing I could do more.
Today the carpet was ripped out from under me. Due to the economy pretty much bottoming out my wife will be joining the ranks of victims of the poor economy. She will (unless things change drastically) be jobless. She was doing what she loved where she loved but that may be coming to an end. So now what? I don't know. I lay here writing this scared but still trusting. I was just telling someone tonight how can I question God? If he is big enough to create me isn't He big enough to take care of me.
Yes I am scared. Yes I am nervous, upset, angry but aren't all of these the emotions God gave us. That doesn't mean I am hopeless. Even through all the crap I still feel He is in control. That may be why I struggle so much with this. I like being in control. We say we surrender all to Christ but do we? I am trying to be thankful for all this because my prayer is to be able to live a life that is transparent. Transparent so people may see me struggle and worry but still see my hope lies in my Jesus. After all, in the end that is all we have.
